Parenting 101: Your children do not ignore your words of wisdom they only fool you into believing that.



HUH?? WHAT DID YOU SAY??





           There are more good days than bad when it comes to the overall relationship you share with your children.  We fuss at them, say things repeatedly, which is strictly for their benefit and hope they get the message.  At times to say that we are bewildered by their actions when they do what we ask to the contrary is an understatement; it makes us scratch our head in disbelief.  When we think about it, day in and day out our children are with us, we know we are good role models therefore all our efforts can’t be in vain, can it?

            I think back to a time when Kaylah had just graduated 5^th grade and was about to start middle school.  It was an exciting time.  She was going to attend the same school I attended when I was younger for gifted children.  This school had the same high standard when I attended, any grade less than an 80 was failing.  It may seem a bit much for someone who is in 6^th grade but I believe if you set expectations for your children at a time when they are old enough to understand they will reap the benefit later.  The adjustment took a while.  She would not complete assignments on time.  She would tell the teacher she left them home, and come home and tell me she left her work in school.  She was extremely disorganized; loose papers oozed out of her book bag.  She tried to pull some fast ones but I would not let up.  She explained why she just could not do what everyone was asking of her.  I knew better, her teachers knew better.  Every day I would tell her, you know if you would apply yourself more, you’d be surprised at the results.  I went on to say, you know if you use those folders instead of cramming those papers in your book bag you would be able to find things.  I also told her how good it feels to receive good grades not only to please your parents or family but how good she would feel too. 

            As much as I may not have all the answers regarding the “pressure” I put on my daughter, one point drives it home.  “A parent’s words can become everlasting spells”.  “Children may not always obey, but children will listen”.  (Tanuwiria, 2010).  Correlating this to the paragraph above, children are like sponges, they don’t always do as you say but they are always listening.  They will apply what you tell them only when they are ready to take action.  This isn’t always in sync with what you expect of them, or the time frame you desire.  The important aspect of it all is that you plant the seeds to harvest and you slowly watch them grow.

            I had to tweak a few things of my own in wanting Kaylah to improve upon her grades, and towards things that extended outside of the classroom such as chores for example.  I had to change the tone in which I communicated, and I had to become a better listener.  “Children will look to their parents for instruction and direction”.   (Tanuwiria, 2010).  When a child says I cannot do this, or they are stuck in a rut they are merely saying, I need you to show me a better way to do this, but because you are the parent, I can’t make it so easy as to just ask for help.  The quote further explains Mom or Dad just guide me.  We have to be relentless in our efforts because they are taking our words and fine-tuning it, to how it fits their personalities. 

           If you are wondering what was the outcome with Kaylah.  She took some of my advice but of course, that was not communicated to me.  At times, it is less of what they say; but more so what they do to let you know that they listen.  You see they clean their room at times when not instructed, because they notice how comfortable you are in yours.  They try to do better on their tests because they secretly want to please you.  They come and tell you see mom I told you I could do this, like they accomplished it all on their own.  As parents, we know better but we just have to let them enjoy the moment that is theirs, but as soon as they walk away our face lights up with a smile, because we too are enjoying that moment.  We say to ourselves “Thank goodness they get it, job well done!”



Mother: Trust, I'm steering you in the right direction.
Daughter: Mom may be onto something, but I'm not going to let her know that!



REFERENCE

Tanuwiria, Y.  (2010, August 22).  Yoz’s Say-so: Children will listen.  The Jakarta Post.  Retrieved March 1, 2011 from http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/08/22/yoz039s-sayso-children-will-listen.html.