Sweet 16: My acronym relating to this milestone "A H.A.N.D.” Asprin- Happiness, Anxiety, Negotiations, Disbelief.

O.M.G 16! ALREADY??



I wanted to “fast forward” a bit to present day, as most of my posts have been about events from years ago in my parental experience.

Kaylah will be 16 years of age on April 18, 2011.  That is a few short weeks away from today.  I have yet to put the details together, as I am accustomed to having the details already complete for her previous birthdays.  I requested her input, after all it is her birthday, but Kaylah as carefree as she is in her everyday life, I shouldn’t have thought she was going to want this to be over the top.  She said whatever you want to do mom is fine.  Many of her friends that she has grown up with still live in our hometown of Brooklyn, New York.  Therefore, I am thinking of returning there, and having a small gathering to celebrate her journey from childhood to womanhood.

My acronym that I referenced above, stems less from Kaylah, and more from the websites I’ve visited in assisting with planning, a “Super Sweet 16”.  On many sites, there is no reference to a Sweet 16 anymore, thanks to shows of the same name on MTV, or VH1, displaying over the top celebrations.  I found this tip to be amusing taken from an event-planning page.  “To really complete the whole sweet sixteener theme make sure that you throw at least one ungrateful tantrum. I recommend not liking the car your parents gave you.”  (Braniac, 2011).  If Kaylah were raised with a sense of entitlement, I could see her attempting something like this, thank goodness she were raised to the contrary; appreciative, and a sense of humility.  There was other bullet points referenced, numbered from 1-6 on what to do for the big day.  Other notes were a “grand entrance on a helicopter, or an elephant”, or “a performer that costs more than people’s homes”.  (Braniac, 2011).  These suggestions are not atypical; however, they do come into play if you are planning a lavish ceremony.  Since I am more of a realist and I know what I can comfortably afford, I will save these events for the rich to be played out on television.

I have an idea of what her day will entail, dinner with family and friends, some cash, which she always enjoys, and perhaps dancing afterwards.  A statement that came from the World Wide Web had a valid point it said “While planning the party details, keep her personality in mind”.  (Walmart.com).  I agree that while you can get caught up in the excitement of planning it is important to remember who the special occasion is for.  If something is planned around what you think everyone else will enjoy that steals the joy away from the birthday girl, excuse me young woman’s big day. 

While the aspirin is on reserve for any last minute birthday requests, and Alka-Seltzer for any anxiety caused to my stomach, I am ready for this next chapter.  I am in disbelief that the years have flown by this quickly.  I will soon have a 16 year old.  I am flexible and understanding to her needs for her birthday and beyond.  This quote sums it up “Small details make wonderful memories, show her you care by going the extra mile”.  (Walmart.com).  I am so happy that I can create a memorable birthday for her that doesn’t equate to the amount of money I will spend.  Currently, I am counting down the days, so on the 18^th I can count her endless smiles. 

References

How to throw a my super sweet sixteen bash. (1999-2011). Ehow.com  Retrieved March 27, 2011 from http://www.ehow.com/how_4593895_throw-super-sweet-sixteen-bash.html.

Planning a sweet sixteen party. (n.d.). Walmart.com.  Retrieved March 27, 2011 from  http://instoresnow.walmart.com/article-print_ektid83675.aspx.

Parenting 101: Your children do not ignore your words of wisdom they only fool you into believing that.



HUH?? WHAT DID YOU SAY??





           There are more good days than bad when it comes to the overall relationship you share with your children.  We fuss at them, say things repeatedly, which is strictly for their benefit and hope they get the message.  At times to say that we are bewildered by their actions when they do what we ask to the contrary is an understatement; it makes us scratch our head in disbelief.  When we think about it, day in and day out our children are with us, we know we are good role models therefore all our efforts can’t be in vain, can it?

            I think back to a time when Kaylah had just graduated 5^th grade and was about to start middle school.  It was an exciting time.  She was going to attend the same school I attended when I was younger for gifted children.  This school had the same high standard when I attended, any grade less than an 80 was failing.  It may seem a bit much for someone who is in 6^th grade but I believe if you set expectations for your children at a time when they are old enough to understand they will reap the benefit later.  The adjustment took a while.  She would not complete assignments on time.  She would tell the teacher she left them home, and come home and tell me she left her work in school.  She was extremely disorganized; loose papers oozed out of her book bag.  She tried to pull some fast ones but I would not let up.  She explained why she just could not do what everyone was asking of her.  I knew better, her teachers knew better.  Every day I would tell her, you know if you would apply yourself more, you’d be surprised at the results.  I went on to say, you know if you use those folders instead of cramming those papers in your book bag you would be able to find things.  I also told her how good it feels to receive good grades not only to please your parents or family but how good she would feel too. 

            As much as I may not have all the answers regarding the “pressure” I put on my daughter, one point drives it home.  “A parent’s words can become everlasting spells”.  “Children may not always obey, but children will listen”.  (Tanuwiria, 2010).  Correlating this to the paragraph above, children are like sponges, they don’t always do as you say but they are always listening.  They will apply what you tell them only when they are ready to take action.  This isn’t always in sync with what you expect of them, or the time frame you desire.  The important aspect of it all is that you plant the seeds to harvest and you slowly watch them grow.

            I had to tweak a few things of my own in wanting Kaylah to improve upon her grades, and towards things that extended outside of the classroom such as chores for example.  I had to change the tone in which I communicated, and I had to become a better listener.  “Children will look to their parents for instruction and direction”.   (Tanuwiria, 2010).  When a child says I cannot do this, or they are stuck in a rut they are merely saying, I need you to show me a better way to do this, but because you are the parent, I can’t make it so easy as to just ask for help.  The quote further explains Mom or Dad just guide me.  We have to be relentless in our efforts because they are taking our words and fine-tuning it, to how it fits their personalities. 

           If you are wondering what was the outcome with Kaylah.  She took some of my advice but of course, that was not communicated to me.  At times, it is less of what they say; but more so what they do to let you know that they listen.  You see they clean their room at times when not instructed, because they notice how comfortable you are in yours.  They try to do better on their tests because they secretly want to please you.  They come and tell you see mom I told you I could do this, like they accomplished it all on their own.  As parents, we know better but we just have to let them enjoy the moment that is theirs, but as soon as they walk away our face lights up with a smile, because we too are enjoying that moment.  We say to ourselves “Thank goodness they get it, job well done!”



Mother: Trust, I'm steering you in the right direction.
Daughter: Mom may be onto something, but I'm not going to let her know that!



REFERENCE

Tanuwiria, Y.  (2010, August 22).  Yoz’s Say-so: Children will listen.  The Jakarta Post.  Retrieved March 1, 2011 from http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/08/22/yoz039s-sayso-children-will-listen.html.